Thursday, October 29, 2009

Abuse: What To Do???


First, let me apologize for not posting anything lately. I appreciate any of my readers that are still hanging in there with me. The fact of it is, I can't post a blog for the sake of posting one. It has to mean something to me. I feel like it's the realness and passion of what I write that you guys dig. So, finally somebody gave me an idea that meant something to me.

What do you do, as a man, when you know a another man is physically abusing his woman? What should you do?

I actually had this situation not long ago. My next door neighbors were a young, married couple. I became pretty cool with the husband, as well as the wife. On the surface, it seemed that they were happy. The wife, whom I'll call "Alana", had a child from a previous relationship. But, the husband, whom I'll call "Chuck", had a great relationship with the child to the point where the child called him "Daddy."

Chuck seemed laid-back and confident, in the fact that he had a beautiful family. They had just moved into the area. Alana found a job pretty quickly. Chuck wasn't quite as motivated. He had a little too much love for weed and liquor. Alana was patient with him, though. She allowed him to enjoy Hennessy and kush-filled evenings with his weed-smoking friends, as long as she knew he was seeking gainful employ.

However, as days became weeks, and weeks became months, being the sole provider and playing "Supermom" began to get old, for Alana. She began to voice her displeasure. Chuck, being a former drug-dealer that kept money, began to get in his feelings with his pride. After a while, my girlfriend at the time, began to tell me about hearing commotion through the somewhat thin walls that divided our two dwellings. Still, when we saw them, they put on the happy faces.

Very early, one morning, I leave my home to find Chuck sitting on the hallway stairs. This was not really unusual. But, the vibe he had about him was. He gave me a look, and shook his head.

Me: What's wrong, my dude?
Him: Man...it just went DOWN.
Me: The fuck you talkin' bout, son???
Him: Alana just tried to cut me with a knife...
Me: Get the fuck outta here! Why?
Him: We were arguing and she just flipped on me.

Now, your dude is not a fool. I'd known there were tussles between them previously. Plus, I know that 9 times out of 10, a woman is not going to try to slice a dude, unless she feels she has to protect herself. Basically, he confirmed what we had all suspected.

So, now he's given me the information. What do I do? Do I not get involved and take a chance that not just Alana, but both of them risk injury or death, if this continues? Or, do I say something with the risk that both of them may turn on me, as can happen in a lot of domestic violence situations?

It's a tough choice. If you've ever been in this situation, you understand what I'm talking about. I chose the latter, as I took a calculated risk that Chuck trusted me, as a sort of mentor.

Me: Dude, you know I heard y'all the other night, right?
Him: Man, I just couldn't take her swinging on me anymore...
Me: Yeah, but you can't do that, bruh. Take a walk. That's what I do when mine grinds my gears.
Him: Yeah, I guess you right. I'mma have to try that.

Of course, it didn't work. To Alana's credit, she did take her daughter and leave Chuck, for a short time. When she did come back, Chuck was treated like a guest in the house. Seemed like he learned his lesson. He even found a pretty good paying job.

But, the peace in the house only lasted a short while. After, I left the complex, due to my own relationship breaking up, I found out Chuck reverted back to his old ways. He left the area completely, not long ago. But, I often wonder what choice I would have had to make, if the situation had escalated to where I was forced to act.

Glad I never had to choose... But, what would you do? Before you answer that, you need to think it all the way through. Think of all the possible ramifications... legal and otherwise. Love to hear your thoughts!

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