Saturday, October 23, 2010

When You Cheat...

Day 23...

One week left in @KweenOfLove’s October Blog Challenge. I think I’m running with the “big dogs”. I might just make it.


Lately, I been acting as a confidant and advisor to a younger cat, at my job. He has a relationship with a very sweet, young woman, whom also works with us. Sounds familiar, right? Only this time, I’m in favor of this relationship. He’s a good guy. She’s a good woman who has been in her share of fucked-up relationships.

He asked my advice, one day. Seems he went to his family’s hometown, to visit. You know what’s coming next, don’t you? Yep. He ran into an old female friend. According to the young cat, nothing had ever happened between them before. Right again…

This time, he stayed at her home, for whatever reason, with no intent of doing anything but going to sleep, on her sofa. The old “one thing led to another” jumped off, and he slept with this chick. “G”, as I’ll refer to him, almost immediately admit this to his woman. Outside forces added unnecessary fuel to the fire, and they broke up.

When you cheat, you have not only broken you significant other’s trust. You’ve broken their heart, and stung their pride. Speaking as one who’s cheated and been cheated on, I can tell you that once the trust is broken, the bond almost will never be the same.

When you cheat, (if you still want the person you cheated on), be prepared to be shut out, forced to kiss a LOT of ass, and be questioned on just about everything you do. They can be around you, or not. The simplest things will look suspect. You can’t get upset about it. You did it to yourself. You let a moment of weakness put you in that position. So…it’s incumbent upon YOU to fix it.

The other party may forgive you. But, you can bet your tuckus they are not going to forget. This is why I say the bond that you’ve built will never be the same. Here are some tips that may or may not work, for getting a lover back in your arms, after you’ve had an indiscretion. They may or may not work, depending on the infraction and your individual situation.

1. Take ownership
You did it. He/She knows it. You know they know. Don’t make excuses or rationalize. This will give the impression that you might be prone to cheat again, if you can make up a good enough explanation. Cut and dried, you were selfish. Admit it.

2. Maintain contact
You do NOT want to come across as a stalker. Keep it to a minimum. You run the risk of getting on their nerves. Give them breathing room. A simple “I wanted to check on you to make sure you’re OK” once a day, or every couple of days, is sufficient.

3. Let them know you’re trying.
Again, PERIODICALLY apologize and say how selfish you were, and how bad you feel about it. Do something to humble yourself. Get on your knees, in public. Send flowers to his/her workplace. Yes, men don’t mind getting flowers from a woman they love.

Once you’ve reopened the lines of communication, ask for a date, as if you just met. After all, you are trying to “start over”. If you have a good time, on that date, there may be hope.

Also, have your mind right for them to hang out with members of the opposite sex. You hurt them. A lot of times, they want you to feel what they felt. Then again, be prepared for the sobering fact that they may simply like someone else, and they are through with you. It’s a process.

One night of weakness, gets you all this. Is it really worth it?

If you guys and ladies have anything good to add, feel free in the comments. As always, thanks so much for taking the time!


  1. I'm glad to see someone took the time to write about this.

    Something to consider for those trying to salvage their relationship is boundaries for both. There is a lot of emotion to process, and it becomes pointless if the people involved want to heap on the hurt to try and make things even with ittle jabs or full out retaliation. Often, I've seen those who have been cheated upon use it as a free pass to act worse than the cheater. That just perpetuates the cycle, rather than breaking it and starting down the path of recovery. Both need to put aside their ego in order to move forward.

    Not a challenge for the weak.

  2. GREAT points! Thanks so much. Look forward to seeing you comment on future posts...

  3. Nice blog...It's nicer to see this kind of blog come from a man. Women cheat too and need to know that in THEIR case...even though you may think it sucks...there IS a double standard. It's a lot harder for some men to forgive than it is for women to. So, be prepared to either accept his cold shoulder and move on...or to get that "lashing" that's coming. (Just don't allow someone to become abusive in order to make themselves feel better!)

    Women are expected to be virtuous. Men are visual. Insert a man playing back in his head you getting it with the next guy. HARD to get over. I never cheated, but I remember how my ex acted just SEEING me with my first love...TALKING! (he was crazy though) Wait...he doesn't count then...

    ...what was I saying? lmao

  4. As usual, I love it when you comment, Kween! Dead-on!

  5. I really can't add more than what Kween said (ain't she deep?).

    Well, maybe except that if more people thought like this, there might be more functional relationships.

    Very good advice though. I'm sharing it.